#NOTMYHUMMER

Yesterday General Motors dropped a sneak peek of their Super Bowl ad, which will feature the return of the Hummer range of vehicles (and Lebron, which is hilarious for that 2003 incident). However the Hummer debuting in said ad will be a bit different from the one we all remember, as it will be an all electric vehicle….peep the teaser below:

Listen, I love this love this planet and hope it lives a long life, BUT (and it’s a big but) if you’re going to bring back the Hummer for that nostalgia $$$, YOU DONT MAKE IT AN ELECTRIC VEHICLE.

Now THIS is a Hummer

A Hummer should a gas guzzler, get 2 miles to the gallon, and be extremely hard to park in urban areas. This would be like Reese’s being pulled from shelves for a decade only for Hershey to bring them back will jelly filling instead of peanut butter, shit just wouldn’t hit the same, nah mean my G?? DID GM NOT SEE WHAT HAPPENED WHEN GEORGE LUCAS RE-RELEASED ALL HIS STAR WARS MOVIES IN THE 90s WITH DUMB FUCKING UPDATES THAT NOBODY ASKED FOR?? This is that, just for car people, not space war nerds.

I’d bet you $300 the electric Hummer has no built in mount for my bazooka, SMFH, NOT MY HUMMER.

YOU. DONT. FUCK. WITH. THE. CLASSICS.

Nostalgia is a hell of a drug, people love to see things from their younger years return, and GM was probably leaning into this idea when they decided to bring the Hummer back. Unfortunately I imagine there was a recent college grad/executive assistant pouring coffee while the big wigs met about the new Hummer, he/she/dealers choice probably decided to say something like “you should make it electric,#savethetrees, #kony2012,” and the old heads bought it. Now we get a Hummer that will start silently and have no mount for my gattling gun that I would use to obliterate the 30-50 feral hogs threatening my safety Every day, smfh.

look at that park job #ICONIC

We already got electric trucks and cars, GM just needs to let us have a line of gas guzzling-pollution machines, as a TREAT. Somewhere there is a man who drove a Hummer H2 that had a metal nut sack hanging from his trailer hitch back in 2004 rolling in his grave at the thought of an electric Hummer.

bring this one back instead #MURICA

Look for this hot piece of fucking garbage to debut in an ad with 2nd tier Tune Squad player Lebron James during the super bowl, then be fully unveiled to an audience (all wearing complimentary weighted blankets) on 5/20/20.

#NOTMYHUMMER

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