Supreme, the world famous New York based street wear brand, unveiled their Spring/Summer 2020 collection preview today, and hypebeasts everywhere are copping industrial sized bottles of hand lotion to privately celebrate these hhhhawwwwttt new jawnz.
However my vision for this preview, specifically 2 items in particular, is far more forward thinking than these jawn hungry beasts, as I do not plan on copping anything for myself this season, I’m copping with one person in mind: my future spawn. 🚨🚨🚨🚨NOTE: THIS IS NOT A PREGNANCY ANNOUNCEMENT, I AM NOT EXPECTING A CHILD ANYTIME SOON, THIS IS RATHER A LONG TERM SCHEME I HAVE COME UP WITH TO MAKE YOUR FUTURE SEED FEEL LESS SUPERIOR TO MINE!🚨🚨🚨🚨That’s right folks, I’m thinking about how I’m going to flex on your broke boi lookin ass 10 years into the future, albeit subtly, using my future child as a pawn, BIG levels to this shit.
How am I going to do it?? By copping a fuck ton of these:
SUPREME x OREOS BABYYYYY, DOUBLE FUCKING STUFFED. But how is this a flex on your future spawn??? Let me break it down for you chief: it’s time for the classes mid afternoon snacks in elementary school, ur kid breaks out some goldfish or cheez nips (yeah that’s a shot), then looks up to see my spawn, Yung God JR, BUSTING OUT THESE FUCKING PREME OREOS, yeah that’s right not only is my kid eating cookies, THEM SHITS ARE LIMITED EDITION COLLAB COOKIES MOTHERFUCKER. Instantly das Yungest God would have infinite snack time clout, kids would offer to trade for them and I would tell him/her/whatever they identify as to only accept these other loser students entire weeks lunch money in return. BUT HOLD THE PHONE BECAUSE IMMA FUCKING DOUBLE DOWM ON THIS FLEX SHIT, YG 2.0 would bring said Oreos to school only in these:
2 BOX LOGOS AT SNACK TIME EVERY FUCKING DAY???!!! Sheeeeeesh, good luck trying to compete as a fellow parent, because quite frankly you won’t be able to. Parent teacher conferences might be a struggle for me because I’ll likely have to hear something like: “Your kid makes 3-7 other students cry every snack time because of how hard he is flexing out here, any chance you can tone down the drip?” To which I’ll reply “It’s drip or drown and Yungerer god can’t swim yet, so all he’s got is the drip, fuck outta my face with this broke talk.” But you know what? I’m willing to DIE FLEXING for my family, so the education system must adapt to that.
All i’m saying is prepare to buy lots of fortnite 2 battle passes for your kids in 2028 so you can make up for being a dead beat motherfucker in the snack time drip department. Good parents plan ahead and clearly I’m about here playing fucking chess while y’all play checkers.
Oh and one more thing, if you’re thinking “lol Oreos expire idiot” my response: “SHUT THE FUCK UP NERD.”